common and complacent

Blah! That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, I am very blessed and have a lot of great things going for me right now, but why do I feel like there should still be more. I guess I think that I should be way more then I am. Why am I not the billionaire that I always told myself I would be by now? How come I don't drive a Corvette and live in a golden house next to Micheal Jordan? I think that is my problem. My imagination got the best of me when I was younger and now I think that is where I really should be.

I love my job...I guess. It is a wonderful company full of happy, intelligent people doing good work. What more could someone ask for? They have a great facility, and great benefits, and great food, everything is great! In the end though, I am working in a call center that I am going to have to get past a learning curve to be able to move forward. I have faith in myself to be able to do this, holy shit does it suck having to start this all over again! I hate having to start climbing up a ladder at a new job when you feel like you where just climbing the ladder at you last job, only to learn that you where really just running on a tread mill.

I have the best girl I could hope for in life. She is my motivation to do and be better. I want to give her the best of everything in this world because she deserves it. Who really gets the chance to get married to their best friend? I think a lot of people don't really know the person they are committing themselves to and end up regretting it ten years down the road. I have no doubts when it comes to Corinne, and it is nice to have that kind of stability in something. Enough mushy, this blog is about why I am not happy so I guess I can't talk too much about her. I guess I just needed to point out that I don't like hate life or anything.

I have this nagging feeling that I need to be my own boss! I have always known it somehow. I never done well with someone who is telling me what to do or how to do it. I have always questioned authority, and it has always got me in a lot of trouble. So rather then be a "trouble maker" why not just tell myself what to do, because then the only person holding me accountable for anything is me.

I have made several attempts to make my own business in the past, and somehow life always finds a way to throw a wrench into the works. Then life will tempt me with another opportunity and because of all of these disappointments, I get a little scared to throw myself out there again. I guess we can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs right? Eggs are expensive though! So is my sanity! I need to know that someday I will make this crazy life work. That I will find that rainbow connection that Kermit kept telling me about, but I'm still waiting for all this grey sky to clear up.

So here is to giving it another try, because if there is one thing I am not, its a quitter. I will keep trying at this life thing until you bury me in the ground, and that is that. There is too much at steak to give up now. It took me a long time to find the things in life that are worth fighting and struggling and trying for, but now that I have started to find them, I will go all out! It's funny to look back at what my life was a few years ago. At the things I used to think where important and worth my time and money. To see what it has now become and how much more sense it makes is funny!

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Bye!