Blah! That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, I am very blessed and have a lot of great things going for me right now, but why do I feel like there should still be more. I guess I think that I should be way more then I am. Why am I not the billionaire that I always told myself I would be by now? How come I don't drive a Corvette and live in a golden house next to Micheal Jordan? I think that is my problem. My imagination got the best of me when I was younger and now I think that is where I really should be.
I love my job...I guess. It is a wonderful company full of happy, intelligent people doing good work. What more could someone ask for? They have a great facility, and great benefits, and great food, everything is great! In the end though, I am working in a call center that I am going to have to get past a learning curve to be able to move forward. I have faith in myself to be able to do this, holy shit does it suck having to start this all over again! I hate having to start climbing up a ladder at a new job when you feel like you where just climbing the ladder at you last job, only to learn that you where really just running on a tread mill.
I have the best girl I could hope for in life. She is my motivation to do and be better. I want to give her the best of everything in this world because she deserves it. Who really gets the chance to get married to their best friend? I think a lot of people don't really know the person they are committing themselves to and end up regretting it ten years down the road. I have no doubts when it comes to Corinne, and it is nice to have that kind of stability in something. Enough mushy, this blog is about why I am not happy so I guess I can't talk too much about her. I guess I just needed to point out that I don't like hate life or anything.
I have this nagging feeling that I need to be my own boss! I have always known it somehow. I never done well with someone who is telling me what to do or how to do it. I have always questioned authority, and it has always got me in a lot of trouble. So rather then be a "trouble maker" why not just tell myself what to do, because then the only person holding me accountable for anything is me.
I have made several attempts to make my own business in the past, and somehow life always finds a way to throw a wrench into the works. Then life will tempt me with another opportunity and because of all of these disappointments, I get a little scared to throw myself out there again. I guess we can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs right? Eggs are expensive though! So is my sanity! I need to know that someday I will make this crazy life work. That I will find that rainbow connection that Kermit kept telling me about, but I'm still waiting for all this grey sky to clear up.
So here is to giving it another try, because if there is one thing I am not, its a quitter. I will keep trying at this life thing until you bury me in the ground, and that is that. There is too much at steak to give up now. It took me a long time to find the things in life that are worth fighting and struggling and trying for, but now that I have started to find them, I will go all out! It's funny to look back at what my life was a few years ago. At the things I used to think where important and worth my time and money. To see what it has now become and how much more sense it makes is funny!
Thank you for visiting my blog. Blogs like this are made possible by viewers like you! Thank You. This blog is brought to you by the letters, D, and R and the number 69!
Bye!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Giving Thanks
I'm going to get an early start on the blog since I will be on the road at the normal time I would be posting it. To all five of you that read this, I am sure you wont mind, and are probably eating and sleeping the day away in your homes. Today was...interesting. I was able to help with the cooking, and that made me happy. I love to cook, I love the process, I love the smells and the heat, and the rush to get things done on time. The more I do it the more I think that it is something I should pursue further in life. So I want to express gratitude to my Father, who had the same passion for cooking, and in a way he passed it on to me. I always loved to be in the kitchen with him and watch him making food. He was never happy with just doing something the dame old way. He always had to do it differently, to make it his own. Some of my favorite memories of his cooking was his salads, in which he would try and out do himself in the number of ingredients he would include.
Now that I am cooking more and more, I see this in myself. I don't want to make something the way that I have been told, or the way it has been written in a recipe. I want to branch out and make something new and different. I love the look on peoples faces when they take a bite, realize that its good, and ask "What did you put in this?" So because of this I am seriously thinking of going back to school for culinary arts.
As for the food itself we made all of the favorite staples expected at Thanksgiving. We had two turkeys, one roasted, on deep fried. we had mashed potatoes, and candid yams. The green bean casserole, normal green beans, corn, stuffing deviled eggs, rolls, jello pudding, four kinds of pie, pumpkin crisp, chocolate fudge, peanut butte fudge, fudge with marshmallows, Ginger sherbet punch, the whole shebang. Corinne and I made the deviled eggs, I made the stuffing and the gravy, all three turned out amazing!
I couldn't believe how many people where her though! I have had some large family events but this kind of trumps it. We had four large tables packed with people. The food tables where set up buffet style, on silver platters with heat sources to keep everything warm. The hard part is that I knew very little if the people I was eating with. At least Corinne knew very little of them too. Apparently a bunch of people who had married into the family get to show up and enjoy Thanksgiving with them. I guess if I knew someone with a castle that has a feast I would get in on that too. Oh, wait...I did.
I look back now at this trip and have really loved every moment. I had to put myself out of my comfort zone, which is never an easy thing. Once you do it though, it makes all the difference. Trying new things and meeting new people is the flavor of life. If we don't branch out and try something we normally wouldn't then how can we gain depth. I love most of Corinne's family and think they have become fond of me in turn. I did my best to show them that I am an okay guy, and I guess that is all I can do.
I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to take this trip. That I was able to afford it, and that I could share it all with Corinne. I miss my family pretty bad but I know that this is where I needed to be this year. I am thankful that I have a family that has supported me in the choices I have made and will make, and that I can look to them for the things I might need. I am grateful for the willingness to help Corinne and I make it on this trip, and even though we didn't need most of it, the fact that it was offered was comforting.
We will be driving home tonight. I think I will have a lot to dwell on as I drive. I have a lot on my mind right now and have some things I need to work out for myself, but at least I will have Harry Potter to talk to about it. Oh, and Corinne too!
Now that I am cooking more and more, I see this in myself. I don't want to make something the way that I have been told, or the way it has been written in a recipe. I want to branch out and make something new and different. I love the look on peoples faces when they take a bite, realize that its good, and ask "What did you put in this?" So because of this I am seriously thinking of going back to school for culinary arts.
As for the food itself we made all of the favorite staples expected at Thanksgiving. We had two turkeys, one roasted, on deep fried. we had mashed potatoes, and candid yams. The green bean casserole, normal green beans, corn, stuffing deviled eggs, rolls, jello pudding, four kinds of pie, pumpkin crisp, chocolate fudge, peanut butte fudge, fudge with marshmallows, Ginger sherbet punch, the whole shebang. Corinne and I made the deviled eggs, I made the stuffing and the gravy, all three turned out amazing!
I couldn't believe how many people where her though! I have had some large family events but this kind of trumps it. We had four large tables packed with people. The food tables where set up buffet style, on silver platters with heat sources to keep everything warm. The hard part is that I knew very little if the people I was eating with. At least Corinne knew very little of them too. Apparently a bunch of people who had married into the family get to show up and enjoy Thanksgiving with them. I guess if I knew someone with a castle that has a feast I would get in on that too. Oh, wait...I did.
I look back now at this trip and have really loved every moment. I had to put myself out of my comfort zone, which is never an easy thing. Once you do it though, it makes all the difference. Trying new things and meeting new people is the flavor of life. If we don't branch out and try something we normally wouldn't then how can we gain depth. I love most of Corinne's family and think they have become fond of me in turn. I did my best to show them that I am an okay guy, and I guess that is all I can do.
I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to take this trip. That I was able to afford it, and that I could share it all with Corinne. I miss my family pretty bad but I know that this is where I needed to be this year. I am thankful that I have a family that has supported me in the choices I have made and will make, and that I can look to them for the things I might need. I am grateful for the willingness to help Corinne and I make it on this trip, and even though we didn't need most of it, the fact that it was offered was comforting.
We will be driving home tonight. I think I will have a lot to dwell on as I drive. I have a lot on my mind right now and have some things I need to work out for myself, but at least I will have Harry Potter to talk to about it. Oh, and Corinne too!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Hair today, gone tomorrow!
This has been an all around enjoyable vacation I would say. I have had plenty of rest. I have spent time with someone I love, I have tried new things, I have spent a lot of money. These are all things that must be done on any respectable vacation. I will be honest though, I was kind of hopping for a bit more down time. It has seemed in order to fit everything we wanted to do into our tight schedule, we had to constantly be on the run. I did get to sleep in for a long time this morning, and to top it off Corinne and I bummed around for a few hours in her sisters bed until we had to leave. I made eggs, we showered and got ready, then left to get our hair did.
Corinne's Mom is a cosmetologist? I think that's right...anyway she cuts and styles hair along with other beauty related things at a little place in Temecula. This was mostly something we where doing for Corinne. She had not had her hair done in almost nine months because I guess no one but her Mom can do it right. I look at it as a way they can spend some time together while Corinne is here so it was kinda cute. It is scary how much you notice the similarities between Mother and daughter when they are in an environment like that. You start to just notice the little mannerisms that they share, and find yourself wondering who rubbed off on who.
See, if i had my way I would have spent this time at home sleeping, or catching up on the MLG Providence matches I missed over the week, but Corinne can't drive the car, so someone had to take her. It wasn't all bad because at least I did get a free haircut out of it, and if nothing more, to get to know Corinne's Mom a little better. I have been looking for a good opportunity to inform her mother at some point that I will be marrying her daughter at some point in the future, and I don't if I just haven't found the right moment or just not enough courage. This is defiantly a new experience for me, and its among the most nerve racking as well. I must do it though, because if I don't I am a sissy! Plus, if she takes the news badly, at least I will die with nice hair.
Corinne looks amazing, and I love her new hair. An already beautiful person, is now even more so! In celebration of hair and hunger we went to a place called The Tilted Kilt. It's a lot like a Hooters, but with better food and hotter waitresses. It is a cool place, but I don't think Utahans would approve much. Too much skin and booze.
Upon arriving back at the house, we found that Corinne's Aunt had shown up with her two children. Her almost two year old is way cute and ran around playing with us all night. Her other son is only four weeks old and so small, but as far as babies go, I guess he is pretty adorable. More lounging on her sisters bed was followed by a dish her Mom calls Pizza Bubbles. I guess its just the tubed style rolls dropped into a deep dish, covered in sauce and cheese, then baked. I loved it! So simple but yet so comforting.
Well I hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving! Eat a lot of Turkey, watch football and movies, be with friends and loved ones, and sleep until you just can't take another snore. I will report on the Castle feast as soon as I can, time willing. We will have to leave around 3:30 AM on Friday in order to get Corinne back in time for work, so wish us luck and have a happy holiday everyone!
Peace and <3
Corinne's Mom is a cosmetologist? I think that's right...anyway she cuts and styles hair along with other beauty related things at a little place in Temecula. This was mostly something we where doing for Corinne. She had not had her hair done in almost nine months because I guess no one but her Mom can do it right. I look at it as a way they can spend some time together while Corinne is here so it was kinda cute. It is scary how much you notice the similarities between Mother and daughter when they are in an environment like that. You start to just notice the little mannerisms that they share, and find yourself wondering who rubbed off on who.
See, if i had my way I would have spent this time at home sleeping, or catching up on the MLG Providence matches I missed over the week, but Corinne can't drive the car, so someone had to take her. It wasn't all bad because at least I did get a free haircut out of it, and if nothing more, to get to know Corinne's Mom a little better. I have been looking for a good opportunity to inform her mother at some point that I will be marrying her daughter at some point in the future, and I don't if I just haven't found the right moment or just not enough courage. This is defiantly a new experience for me, and its among the most nerve racking as well. I must do it though, because if I don't I am a sissy! Plus, if she takes the news badly, at least I will die with nice hair.
Corinne looks amazing, and I love her new hair. An already beautiful person, is now even more so! In celebration of hair and hunger we went to a place called The Tilted Kilt. It's a lot like a Hooters, but with better food and hotter waitresses. It is a cool place, but I don't think Utahans would approve much. Too much skin and booze.
Upon arriving back at the house, we found that Corinne's Aunt had shown up with her two children. Her almost two year old is way cute and ran around playing with us all night. Her other son is only four weeks old and so small, but as far as babies go, I guess he is pretty adorable. More lounging on her sisters bed was followed by a dish her Mom calls Pizza Bubbles. I guess its just the tubed style rolls dropped into a deep dish, covered in sauce and cheese, then baked. I loved it! So simple but yet so comforting.
Well I hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving! Eat a lot of Turkey, watch football and movies, be with friends and loved ones, and sleep until you just can't take another snore. I will report on the Castle feast as soon as I can, time willing. We will have to leave around 3:30 AM on Friday in order to get Corinne back in time for work, so wish us luck and have a happy holiday everyone!
Peace and <3
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What I did twoday
So I failed yesterday and totally didn't write anything, which was a lot more disappointing for me then for you all I'm sure. I was kind of trying to make this a daily thing and for it to all fall apart by my third day wasn't very reassuring that I could do this. But I guess the best thing to do when you fall off your bike is to get a skateboard.
So yesterday was amazing! Disneyland is still awesome in case any of you wanted to know. It is still filled with magical wonderment that any and all can take home with them in the form of a silk screened product with Micky Mouse's face on it! This time around it was my great privilege to see Disneyland in the holiday celebration. The Streets where all lit up and they had a thirty foot Christmas tree. People where all walking around in holiday hats and the castle was all decked out too look like it had snow and Christmas lights on it. At night it glowed a beautiful Blue and white, and you could even get your picture taken in front of it! (will post eventually)
So we went on some rides, though most of the lines where a tad longer then they had been on my previous visits. We waited for more then an hour on a few, but it was still a great time, because I had some really great company. I was with my Love Corinne and her really funny sister Courtney. The one thing you don't want to get these too started on is Disney. Between them, they could tell you anything you would want to know about the parks, the movies, the characters, Walt himself, Micky's shoe size, the exact number of trashcans on Main Street, how many hairs in Grumpy's beard...well, you get the point. Too much Disney knowledge. But it made for a good time in the parks.
We had breakfast at a little cafe that was made too look like something from Tom Sawyer. It overlooked The steamboat and New Orleans Square and had some really good pancakes. (skip the eggs though) We went on the Jungle Cruise, which would kinda be a sucky ride if not for the amazing ride operator and his terrible yet funny jokes. He was like a mix between a warm up comedian, and a Laffy Taffy wrapper. Now like I said before, I was with some hardcore Disneyland pros, but the next ride we went on was Indiana Jones, and this time I had something to show them. You see, there is only ONE way to ride Indiana Jones, and I showed them how its done. Sadly, I wasn't able to sit in the drivers seat, and to do so would have meant waiting for three cars to go, so I figured I would ride in the car where this little maybe five or six year old boy was driving. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure we made the ride for him too. I have been known to be a little more animated then most people on many occasions, and have a knack for the dramatics, so when I say that I really get into the Indiana Jones Ride...I mean it. Just go into it with the mentality that everything that is going on is really happening and that your life is on the line at any given second. Yell and scream a lot, and get everyone else on the ride into it with you, and you will have the general idea of how to ride it properly.
So splash mountain is one of those rides that I think you just can't pass over when in Disneyland. Its great because they took a ride like a log flume and turned it into so much more by just giving it some story and cool stuff to look at. Everyone knows the ride, and how it ends, right? Yet we will ride it over and over, even with the prospect of getting anywhere from slightly to super wet. (this will greatly be determined by how many fat people you take with you.) I tried to video the whole ride experience, baring we have all of the footage, I will get it on Facebook as soon as I can.
California Adventure is a bit of a let down right now because so much of it is under construction. I guess they are having Pixar redo a ton of the park, so there was their typical "Come back and pay for the same priced ticket sometime later in 2012 to see all of this cool stiff we are building" crap up. I guess it does it's job though, because you want to know if everything they are bringing in will be worth all of the disappointment you felt when everything was closed the last time you came. We had lunch at a burger place, went on California Screamer, and Tower of Terror, and watched World of Color, which if anyone reading this has never seen it, DO NOT Youtube this show, just hold off until you can watch it yourself in person, because a recording of it will not do it justice. This thirty minute show at the end of the day in DCA is (In my humble opinion) the best show Disney has ever done.
When we made our way back toward Disneyland main, the fireworks had started and they had just started the snow over main street. Sync this with holiday music, and lights and it was really awesome! Disney really knows how to hit all of your senses at once. The smells from the shops, and the sounds of the music, mixed with the sights of the decorations, it truly is a kind of magic. All in all, a really great time was had by three amigos.
We got home so tired that we all pretty much crawled to our beds and passed out until almost noon the next day. Got up slowly and got ready for a day in the desert. Corinne took me to the place she grew up in La Quinta. On the way there is this stretch just before Palm Springs where there are all of these windmills, and I mean a TON! There had too be a few hundred stretched out in every direction. It doesn't sound that cool, butt to someone who had never seen anything like this in person it was really kinda cool. I guess they supply the power for the whole area, even for a few casinos. When we got to La Quinta, our first stop was to Corinne's old high school where I got to meet her favorite teacher and catch up a little. Then we went to meet up with Corinne's gay best friend Tom. Tom is a really cool guy! He is really friendly and you could really see why these too are best friends. We sampled some California produce, and then sat and talked and laughed in his car, then we when to dinner at a place a lot like Zupa's, hung out at a park, then said our gooodbyes.
This part of California is so beautiful. Its like nothing we have in Utah or anywhere else I have been. I am smack in the middle of wine country. There are vineyards with chateaus on every hill top, lemon tree orchards, and Olive orchards. Building with amazing architecture that mixes old styles with modern luxury. I feel very lucky and fortunate to have this experience because it is really breath taking to behold. On our drive today looking out over the rolling hills and seeing a different California then what I was used to, I could see the appeal in living here. At night there was almost no light, and you could see the stars so bright and clear that Corinne and I went out wrapped in a blanket and stargazed until we got too cold.
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I find myself thinking about my family that I am so far away from right now, but in turn I am with a part of my family that is just starting. Even though its new and exciting and different, I'm okay with it. Because it still feels right, and I think it is where I need to be. I am grateful for the love of my Life Corinne who I couldn't live a day with out. She is my who world and am loving this time I get to spend with her, and her family and friends. What a great trip this has been and there is still more to come.
Night yo!
So yesterday was amazing! Disneyland is still awesome in case any of you wanted to know. It is still filled with magical wonderment that any and all can take home with them in the form of a silk screened product with Micky Mouse's face on it! This time around it was my great privilege to see Disneyland in the holiday celebration. The Streets where all lit up and they had a thirty foot Christmas tree. People where all walking around in holiday hats and the castle was all decked out too look like it had snow and Christmas lights on it. At night it glowed a beautiful Blue and white, and you could even get your picture taken in front of it! (will post eventually)
So we went on some rides, though most of the lines where a tad longer then they had been on my previous visits. We waited for more then an hour on a few, but it was still a great time, because I had some really great company. I was with my Love Corinne and her really funny sister Courtney. The one thing you don't want to get these too started on is Disney. Between them, they could tell you anything you would want to know about the parks, the movies, the characters, Walt himself, Micky's shoe size, the exact number of trashcans on Main Street, how many hairs in Grumpy's beard...well, you get the point. Too much Disney knowledge. But it made for a good time in the parks.
We had breakfast at a little cafe that was made too look like something from Tom Sawyer. It overlooked The steamboat and New Orleans Square and had some really good pancakes. (skip the eggs though) We went on the Jungle Cruise, which would kinda be a sucky ride if not for the amazing ride operator and his terrible yet funny jokes. He was like a mix between a warm up comedian, and a Laffy Taffy wrapper. Now like I said before, I was with some hardcore Disneyland pros, but the next ride we went on was Indiana Jones, and this time I had something to show them. You see, there is only ONE way to ride Indiana Jones, and I showed them how its done. Sadly, I wasn't able to sit in the drivers seat, and to do so would have meant waiting for three cars to go, so I figured I would ride in the car where this little maybe five or six year old boy was driving. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure we made the ride for him too. I have been known to be a little more animated then most people on many occasions, and have a knack for the dramatics, so when I say that I really get into the Indiana Jones Ride...I mean it. Just go into it with the mentality that everything that is going on is really happening and that your life is on the line at any given second. Yell and scream a lot, and get everyone else on the ride into it with you, and you will have the general idea of how to ride it properly.
So splash mountain is one of those rides that I think you just can't pass over when in Disneyland. Its great because they took a ride like a log flume and turned it into so much more by just giving it some story and cool stuff to look at. Everyone knows the ride, and how it ends, right? Yet we will ride it over and over, even with the prospect of getting anywhere from slightly to super wet. (this will greatly be determined by how many fat people you take with you.) I tried to video the whole ride experience, baring we have all of the footage, I will get it on Facebook as soon as I can.
California Adventure is a bit of a let down right now because so much of it is under construction. I guess they are having Pixar redo a ton of the park, so there was their typical "Come back and pay for the same priced ticket sometime later in 2012 to see all of this cool stiff we are building" crap up. I guess it does it's job though, because you want to know if everything they are bringing in will be worth all of the disappointment you felt when everything was closed the last time you came. We had lunch at a burger place, went on California Screamer, and Tower of Terror, and watched World of Color, which if anyone reading this has never seen it, DO NOT Youtube this show, just hold off until you can watch it yourself in person, because a recording of it will not do it justice. This thirty minute show at the end of the day in DCA is (In my humble opinion) the best show Disney has ever done.
When we made our way back toward Disneyland main, the fireworks had started and they had just started the snow over main street. Sync this with holiday music, and lights and it was really awesome! Disney really knows how to hit all of your senses at once. The smells from the shops, and the sounds of the music, mixed with the sights of the decorations, it truly is a kind of magic. All in all, a really great time was had by three amigos.
We got home so tired that we all pretty much crawled to our beds and passed out until almost noon the next day. Got up slowly and got ready for a day in the desert. Corinne took me to the place she grew up in La Quinta. On the way there is this stretch just before Palm Springs where there are all of these windmills, and I mean a TON! There had too be a few hundred stretched out in every direction. It doesn't sound that cool, butt to someone who had never seen anything like this in person it was really kinda cool. I guess they supply the power for the whole area, even for a few casinos. When we got to La Quinta, our first stop was to Corinne's old high school where I got to meet her favorite teacher and catch up a little. Then we went to meet up with Corinne's gay best friend Tom. Tom is a really cool guy! He is really friendly and you could really see why these too are best friends. We sampled some California produce, and then sat and talked and laughed in his car, then we when to dinner at a place a lot like Zupa's, hung out at a park, then said our gooodbyes.
This part of California is so beautiful. Its like nothing we have in Utah or anywhere else I have been. I am smack in the middle of wine country. There are vineyards with chateaus on every hill top, lemon tree orchards, and Olive orchards. Building with amazing architecture that mixes old styles with modern luxury. I feel very lucky and fortunate to have this experience because it is really breath taking to behold. On our drive today looking out over the rolling hills and seeing a different California then what I was used to, I could see the appeal in living here. At night there was almost no light, and you could see the stars so bright and clear that Corinne and I went out wrapped in a blanket and stargazed until we got too cold.
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I find myself thinking about my family that I am so far away from right now, but in turn I am with a part of my family that is just starting. Even though its new and exciting and different, I'm okay with it. Because it still feels right, and I think it is where I need to be. I am grateful for the love of my Life Corinne who I couldn't live a day with out. She is my who world and am loving this time I get to spend with her, and her family and friends. What a great trip this has been and there is still more to come.
Night yo!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
On trial
So here I sit in a bed that’s not my own, in a house that’s not my own, in a state that once again, is not my own. I feel so very out of place right now and more uncomfortable then I have been in a long time. The worst part of it all though is that I knew this was exactly how I was going to feel getting in to all of this.
Once I had made the decision to actually spend Thanksgiving with Corinne’s family in California, I started the mental preparations that I think most guys would when faced with the prospect of having to spend a whole week with their girlfriend’s family. The added bonus is that I also have a pretty good idea of what they actually think of me, and I am pretty sure it’s not good. Its a hard thing to try and present your self to someone as a responsible, intelligent, well mannered person when your list of interests include video games, friends, fantasy novels and parties. Someone who doesn’t believe in a God or after life. One who doesn’t have a definite career path, or any real higher education to show. But is that really MY job to do? Aren’t we suppose to read the book, not the cover?
I like to think of myself as a fairly well rounded guy. Life hasn’t just been a ride for me, as it’s not for most people, but I sometimes think I have had more then my fair share of down with out a lot of up to show for it. The strength I find in this is through my perseverance. I have had some great opportunities in life that didn’t pan out in the end. Some jobs that I thought would go the distance but didn’t. People in my life who I thought I could keep forever, but sadly, I lost. It’s all how we rebound in these troubled instances that show our worth, right? I only hope that one would look at the effort and not just the results in the end.
I found myself this evening confronted by Corinne’s Grandmother in the hallway of her multi-million dollar castle estate being questioned about various parts of my life, and felt very inadequate all of a sudden. I somehow felt like because I was here, and accompanying her grand daughter over this “family” holiday, that I should have more to say, more to SHOW for my life. I guess I didn’t want to go away from here in a week and leave them with the feeling that Corinne is in poor care, with someone who doesn’t deserve her.
The part I found really funny was that as she was going about asking me her question concerning my life, there was always a comment concerning someone else who she is acquainted with who was doing it better, or already found their success. Then she would end it all with advice on how I should continue. Now please note that I am attempting to do all of this literally fifteen minutes after I had gotten out of the car from my twelve to thirteen hour drive from Salt Lake. I felt zombified, but I was questioned none the less. I wanted so badly to do my best to impress! To put my best foot forward and at least make a good showing for myself and the way I had been raised. I was so tired though, with a soar back, and stomach ache to boot. So here I am, scruffy looking, standing there in my Starcraft II hoodie and Blizzard beanie in front of this woman who knows nothing about my culture or interests, trying to sound like I’m not a total waist.
I want to believe that all of this will end up being a positive experience, and that I will go away from here feeling good about the whole event. That I was well received and like by her family and that I would be a welcome addition to the clan. So why am I feeling so much unease about it? Why can’t I just accept the results no matter what they may be? I know that Corinne loves me, so why isn’t that good enough? Why do I feel like I need to earn these other peoples love and approval before it will be enough? Is it because I want to marry her, and that if I don’t gain their favor now that I will have to spend the rest of my life in a power struggle with them? Or am I trying to prove something to Corinne? Maybe it’s both…
Whatever it is, I am here, and I am going to give it my best shot.
Once I had made the decision to actually spend Thanksgiving with Corinne’s family in California, I started the mental preparations that I think most guys would when faced with the prospect of having to spend a whole week with their girlfriend’s family. The added bonus is that I also have a pretty good idea of what they actually think of me, and I am pretty sure it’s not good. Its a hard thing to try and present your self to someone as a responsible, intelligent, well mannered person when your list of interests include video games, friends, fantasy novels and parties. Someone who doesn’t believe in a God or after life. One who doesn’t have a definite career path, or any real higher education to show. But is that really MY job to do? Aren’t we suppose to read the book, not the cover?
I like to think of myself as a fairly well rounded guy. Life hasn’t just been a ride for me, as it’s not for most people, but I sometimes think I have had more then my fair share of down with out a lot of up to show for it. The strength I find in this is through my perseverance. I have had some great opportunities in life that didn’t pan out in the end. Some jobs that I thought would go the distance but didn’t. People in my life who I thought I could keep forever, but sadly, I lost. It’s all how we rebound in these troubled instances that show our worth, right? I only hope that one would look at the effort and not just the results in the end.
I found myself this evening confronted by Corinne’s Grandmother in the hallway of her multi-million dollar castle estate being questioned about various parts of my life, and felt very inadequate all of a sudden. I somehow felt like because I was here, and accompanying her grand daughter over this “family” holiday, that I should have more to say, more to SHOW for my life. I guess I didn’t want to go away from here in a week and leave them with the feeling that Corinne is in poor care, with someone who doesn’t deserve her.
The part I found really funny was that as she was going about asking me her question concerning my life, there was always a comment concerning someone else who she is acquainted with who was doing it better, or already found their success. Then she would end it all with advice on how I should continue. Now please note that I am attempting to do all of this literally fifteen minutes after I had gotten out of the car from my twelve to thirteen hour drive from Salt Lake. I felt zombified, but I was questioned none the less. I wanted so badly to do my best to impress! To put my best foot forward and at least make a good showing for myself and the way I had been raised. I was so tired though, with a soar back, and stomach ache to boot. So here I am, scruffy looking, standing there in my Starcraft II hoodie and Blizzard beanie in front of this woman who knows nothing about my culture or interests, trying to sound like I’m not a total waist.
I want to believe that all of this will end up being a positive experience, and that I will go away from here feeling good about the whole event. That I was well received and like by her family and that I would be a welcome addition to the clan. So why am I feeling so much unease about it? Why can’t I just accept the results no matter what they may be? I know that Corinne loves me, so why isn’t that good enough? Why do I feel like I need to earn these other peoples love and approval before it will be enough? Is it because I want to marry her, and that if I don’t gain their favor now that I will have to spend the rest of my life in a power struggle with them? Or am I trying to prove something to Corinne? Maybe it’s both…
Whatever it is, I am here, and I am going to give it my best shot.
King of the Castle
And on the seventh day, Quinn rested, and boy is it nice! After such a long drive yesterday it was nice to just relax the day away in a castle! I'm staying in a room that is decorated to look like that of a mid-evil castle, and I have to say, its pretty cool! I have swords on my wall, and I haven't had that since I was a teenager! It is a little strange going from a bed that is only a little over a foot tall to one I have to jump to get on to but oh well. There is a suit of armor, and some chain mail with a helm. I even have some old handcuffs and and a leather whip! (yes I am smiling wickedly right now)
I think the best part of this place has to be the kitchen. I am such a foodie and that proves it. They have one of those stoves with a full griddle, two ovens, and six burners! Oh yeah and three refrigerators, and stand alone ice maker! So naturally I had to make grilled cheese right? that's the only natural reaction I could get used to living in a place like this for sure. Though if I did I would be cooking a lot more then I do. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
We spent some time after lunch watching a lifetime movie on J.K Rowling's life and I have to say that since I have been reading the Harry Potter books recently, it was pretty interesting. I have a bit more respect for her now that I know more about her pre billion dollar past. Then followed by a very funny stint watching Last Man Standing with Tim Allen. The show is really funny by itself, but watching it with Corinne's Mom made it awesome! She wouldn't stop talking about how funny the show is and during the show itself laughed so hard it made everyone else laugh just as hard.
I once again played the part of World of Warcraft missionary, the only difference is now I have a companion. Corinne made her sister Courtney play and guess what? she liked it ha ha! Yet another person who falls in love with the best game the world has seen. She played a Worgan rogue, and picked it up faster then even Corinne did. It's always fun for me to watch the different people I have brought to the game play. So many of them have gone into it with the opinion that they will hate it, or that it won't be that fun. I have yet to find a single person who has sat down and played it for real and not loved it. Their smarmy smirks turn into smiles of enjoyment and they don't even realize they are doing it. Now just to get Courtney an account of her own!
We had a wonderful dinner of Pap and Flace, a traditional South African meal of corn meal mash with a spicy tomato curry and sausage. I have tried to make this in the past, and thought I did a good job, well I was wrong. She showed me how it is suppose to be done! During dinner we had a great conversation about religion and parenting and how they are two completely separate things. We exchanged war stories so to speak and had an all around good time. I have to say that the second time spending time with Corinne's Mom was a lot more enjoyable then the first. she is a very interesting person with interesting view points on things if nothing else.
Tomorrow we go to Disneyland, and I am pretty stoked about this! I missed going this year with my brothers and some of my friends due to my new jobs training starting the day they went. Cool part is that it has been less then a month since we were here and now I am back going to Disneyland, and they all are back in Utah where I can only assume it is snowing and miserably cold. I get the great pleasure of not only going to the happiest place on Earth, but I get to do it with some Disney experts! This will be my fourth time to Disneyland and I feel like I have more or less done the same thing every time. i want so badly to do something different this time! I can't believe I have really experienced everything yet. Can you really experience everything in Disneyland? I think not. I think this is what keeps it such a magical place. Because even if you go all the time, there is always something new to see, or do, or experience. This will be my first time seeing it during the holiday celebration. The castle is all done up for Christmas and the rest of the park too. I even hear they have snow there, so guess what Utah? I get 70 degree weather AND snow!
More on the morrow. Bye bye
I think the best part of this place has to be the kitchen. I am such a foodie and that proves it. They have one of those stoves with a full griddle, two ovens, and six burners! Oh yeah and three refrigerators, and stand alone ice maker! So naturally I had to make grilled cheese right? that's the only natural reaction I could get used to living in a place like this for sure. Though if I did I would be cooking a lot more then I do. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
We spent some time after lunch watching a lifetime movie on J.K Rowling's life and I have to say that since I have been reading the Harry Potter books recently, it was pretty interesting. I have a bit more respect for her now that I know more about her pre billion dollar past. Then followed by a very funny stint watching Last Man Standing with Tim Allen. The show is really funny by itself, but watching it with Corinne's Mom made it awesome! She wouldn't stop talking about how funny the show is and during the show itself laughed so hard it made everyone else laugh just as hard.
I once again played the part of World of Warcraft missionary, the only difference is now I have a companion. Corinne made her sister Courtney play and guess what? she liked it ha ha! Yet another person who falls in love with the best game the world has seen. She played a Worgan rogue, and picked it up faster then even Corinne did. It's always fun for me to watch the different people I have brought to the game play. So many of them have gone into it with the opinion that they will hate it, or that it won't be that fun. I have yet to find a single person who has sat down and played it for real and not loved it. Their smarmy smirks turn into smiles of enjoyment and they don't even realize they are doing it. Now just to get Courtney an account of her own!
We had a wonderful dinner of Pap and Flace, a traditional South African meal of corn meal mash with a spicy tomato curry and sausage. I have tried to make this in the past, and thought I did a good job, well I was wrong. She showed me how it is suppose to be done! During dinner we had a great conversation about religion and parenting and how they are two completely separate things. We exchanged war stories so to speak and had an all around good time. I have to say that the second time spending time with Corinne's Mom was a lot more enjoyable then the first. she is a very interesting person with interesting view points on things if nothing else.
Tomorrow we go to Disneyland, and I am pretty stoked about this! I missed going this year with my brothers and some of my friends due to my new jobs training starting the day they went. Cool part is that it has been less then a month since we were here and now I am back going to Disneyland, and they all are back in Utah where I can only assume it is snowing and miserably cold. I get the great pleasure of not only going to the happiest place on Earth, but I get to do it with some Disney experts! This will be my fourth time to Disneyland and I feel like I have more or less done the same thing every time. i want so badly to do something different this time! I can't believe I have really experienced everything yet. Can you really experience everything in Disneyland? I think not. I think this is what keeps it such a magical place. Because even if you go all the time, there is always something new to see, or do, or experience. This will be my first time seeing it during the holiday celebration. The castle is all done up for Christmas and the rest of the park too. I even hear they have snow there, so guess what Utah? I get 70 degree weather AND snow!
More on the morrow. Bye bye
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